As Ari Gold I would storm into Lasse Hallström's office, shouting and waving my hands.
'Lasse, you HAVE to read my script! You have to make my film! You used to be the best director ever, but you haven't done anything wonderful in AGES! Make my script and you'll be on top again!'
Of course, I don't really believe this, and of course Lasse would answer:
What do YOU have to show for yourself? At least I have made the GREATEST movie of all times.
To this, I can only nod my head in agreement and walk away with my tail between my legs. Which is funny, because that bone right at the end of the spine (and the top of the butt-crack too) has been seriously hurting for a week now. According to the german english translator it is, conveniently, called the tailbone. So, what does that mean?
I have flipped through all my Disease as Symbol books, and none of them seem to offer any spiritual clue to the tailbone problem. Conventional medicine only offers heavy pain medication, something I am not a fan of. So what to do?
At first I retreated to my old habit of creative visualization. I lit a candle, laid down flat on the floor and closed my eyes. Then, in my imagination, I stepped into my body as sort of an avatar of myself, and started visualizing drilling a hole in the bone where it hurt. I saw all the pressure burst out like a flood breaking through a crack in a dam. After that, I just sat down and sang to the pain. Which made me feel like a wonderful spiritual creature and I was sure this would heal me in no time. In fact, I was so excited about the healing singing that I had to stop singing in order to go tell my partner about it.
But the pain didn't go away, and I felt like a failed healer. So, what to do when spiritual singing in a visualization doesn't help?
I'll try anything.
My solution: Wii Fit. I have become such a fan. While swaying heavily to the left and right on this thing called a Balance Board, skiing and ski-jumping and head-butting footballs (as documented in previous post) I am trying to find my center of gravity. And finding this bodily center of gravity, I am planning to find my spiritual center of gravity. My hunch is that when the center of both have aligned (through the head-butting of footballs and avoidance of panda heads) the tailbone pain will go away as an award.
But, more importantly, I will finally find my balance of LIFE. Everything I do will magically turn to gold (success, obviously). All my talents will be used productively in whatever I choose to focus on. All my handicapped babies (unfinished work in drawers) will raise and stand proudly on perfect limbs. Men will love me, women envy me and Alan Ball will want to be my best friend.
Well, that's the plan.
Unless I decide to start taking in stray cats.