Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Sudden Turn Of Events

I was so into it.

I strolled through Notting Hill picking up spices and herbs. I bought three cookbooks, spending a fortune, to broaden my horizon and educate my skills. I frigging grilled garlic in the oven! I got weird chili, turmeric, lime leaves, manuka honey and all sort of fun stuff. And then it happened. A friend took a long curious look at my balloon belly and said matter of factly: You probably have fungus in your stomach.

WHAT? Yikes! Fungus? How disgusting is that?

Getting over the initial shock with several cups of coffee and reading up on candida on the internet, I realized that I was not alone. Shared pain is half pain, right? I took another comforting, fruity jet earthy mouthful of freshly ground espresso which I swallowed with a satisfied sigh, of course. Maybe it wasn't so bad, after all.

Then I read about the food that you are absolutely to avoid: EVERYTHING with sugar. Wheat, milk, honey, fruit and even carrots! Hell! Even potatoes! My heart stopped a beat at alcohol. But the worst was still to come.

I scrolled down the kilometer long list and found suddenly the word coffee listed among evil and forbidden drinks. No. Noooooooooooo! What has coffee to do with it? A tear of frustration and sadness rolled down my cheek (could I lick the tear of my cheek (as one does, right? Right?!) or would that too be filled with something sugary a fungi would love to devour and make a thousand babies with???).

Who would I be without coffee in the morning to pick me up and set me straight? I would basically not get out of bed if not coffee was calling my name every morning. Caaaarroliiinne.... Carrrroooolline darling! Come into the kitchen and watch me boil funnily in the espresso machine! Come dig your nose into the wonderfully playful happy fumes!

How can this evil enemy grow in my own body? I see you! You nasty fungi! I have my eyes on you... you... you ugly turd! I will KILL you! I will destroy you! I will regain my belly from you, you terrible destroyer of fun!

And what about all the new exciting soup I had lined up to cook for my soup-friends? The roasted garlic, cream and honey soup? The red wine and spinach soup? The white wine, coriander and bacon soup?

It's back to Red Pepper & Courgette Soup.

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